If your going to speak Southern...

...you must be a neologist. That simply means you make up your own expressions. My dad is great at this. However, most of what he has said I've heard for many years, but what makes him a neologist is that I have not heard too many others (in fact none) use some these expressions that you'll find here. Here's a couple for you. I'll post more later on. Tell me if you've heard them and from what part of the South. I would be very interested in knowing the source.
BEWARE, my dad is not always proper in his words.

He sounds like a calf dying in a hail storm.=

He has a bad cough and is very sick and makes a lot of noises during the ordeal.

The snow was knee high to a tall Indian.=

Not intended to be racist, but I think you get the picture.

That sounds like a mule farting in a jug.=

A male who can't sing, but especially a male who can't sing low base notes but tries.